Hidden Lives

“I’m afraid of expressing my opinions on LinkedIn if my employer disagrees with me”. I remember the first time I heard this coming from a friend.

 I had the same feeling although I don’t really think I was writing about something controversial enough to shake things up at the company.

 This was many years ago and the environment was very different, and social media wasn’t super weird as I find it today. Things have changed (a lot).

 One thing that hasn’t changed: whenever I write an article here or on my blog, few people like, less so add a comment and then I get more comments offline, behind the scenes.

 Granted that people usually say nice things about my article which I appreciate, my goal writing is to share my opinion and/or experience in hopes other people will do the same.

 I don't care about getting more followers or likes – I care about engaging in conversations, comments, to learn something new.

Unsplash image

 This whole experience became another source of curiosity: why people live those hidden lives? So much they want to say or share but there's this feeling of fear.

 Why do we (yes, I include myself) struggle to share an opinion? Well, hopefully in a kind and respectful way.

 When I started making pottery, I didn’t want to share my pieces. There was that feeling of someone who just started learning, I was not good enough, not sure which direction to go. Would people appreciate my work? Did I pick the right name for my studio?

 Then this happened: this man, probably on his 70s, came by my booth when I was selling my pottery, stopped and smiled at the name of my studio.

 He said, “Imperfect Art…why anyone would be interested in buying something imperfect?”.

 I mean, I could have just closed myself and get upset.

 Instead, I smiled back and pointed to him that my logo has two colors on the word imperfect: IM is in orange and PERFECT is in green. Then I said: “see, IMPERFECT can also be I’M PERFECT.

 Kudos to him as he immediately smiled and said: “Never thought from this perspective, but you are right.”

 The moment I was not afraid of starting the conversation, or sharing my art pieces, I realized I was also learning more.

I learned how to take things lighter. How to listen better.

 Because I showed my art, I also have been learning about the shapes I like most, the colors that attract me, what kind of clay I like playing with.

 I am still learning about my customers and what they prefer or not.

 Today is blue, tomorrow is brown.

 I watched that TED Talk by Brene Brown about the power of vulnerability. As she says, 'Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”

 25+ years ago, I heard something that still sticks with me: “fear separate”. As puzzled as I was when I heard the phrase, the explanation gave me a very different perspective. For example: when you are afraid of spiders, you run away from it, separate from it.

 Once you decide to face your fears, then you are shortening the distance (and get rid of the spider).

 Funny story: when I moved to my town, I heard stories about a small group of people controlling everything here, in a very conservative way. I was afraid of saying the wrong things to the wrong people. I tried do volunteer and wouldn’t pass the “thank you” from the submission form as nobody would reach back to me. At one point I thought I was in some kind of “blacklist”.

 One day I took enough courage to ask, on town group, if someone could teach me about the upcoming town meeting. I got a bunch of people offering to help.

 I got involved and today I am part of one of the town committees and yes, I learned about the beauty of the democratic process, unique to New England, that we adopt in town meetings. Believe me, you have more power to make the difference than you would expect.

 Here is the thing: find ways to learn, to share your experience, to help your town, to meet your neighbor.

How about taking this as a personal challenge? And I would love to learn what you did.

 We all need more kindness instead of hidden lives.

 Vulnerability is not a weakness but an opportunity to show your courage and strengths.

 Will you share your thoughts with me?